Women talking

On 16 days of activism against gender-based violence & women talking

Daily naps with Luna are necessary because of Long Covid, but also because the patriarchy is exhausting.

Between raging against the patriarchy & glimmers

A few days before I hosted Friendsgiving dinner (which I wrote about in last week’s newsletter), I needed some kale and fir branches. Conveniently, I met a friend at a coffee shop right next to a small Viennese market - Kutschkermarkt - and I grabbed those items just before ducking inside the Café Franze. We met there as per my brother’s recommendation, and I immediately made myself comfortable and took a moment - and some expert advice - on which of the many, many teas on offer to choose. It was after noon, so a Rooibos it was. Perfect choice with winter around the corner.

While sipping on our hot beverages, the conversation between my friend and me turned, unsurprisingly, to the patriarchy. Our early childhood and school memories were saturated with patriarchal poison, from biased teachers to unspoken expectations and rules. However, the present quickly had our attention again when the topic of (gender-based) violence came into the mix. The heartbreaking reality of femicides in Austria (28 and counting in 2023). The devastating confession that we, too, know many personal stories. The prevalence and pervasiveness of violence.

In the two weeks or so since that exchange, the topic has been on my mind (among all the other small and massives fires all over the world). We are still in the middle of “16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence”, an international campaign that has been happening annually since 1991 and ends on December 10, Human Rights Day. So it’s not all that surprising. What’s also not surprising is that I have countless thoughts; so instead of ruminating in bed and eliminating any chance of sleep, here are a few things I want to share:

1. The song “Quiet” by MILCK. From the first time I stumbled across this video on Youtube in 2016, to this very moment as I write these words and take a minute to listen to the song again: It gives me goosebumps (on my head) every. single. time. and lights a little candle in my soul. Plus, it never fails to lift me up. ✨✨✨

2. The movie Women Talking (2022).📽️ 🎞️ I finally watched it a couple of weeks ago, and its affect has stayed with me (as well as the fact that it is a white perspective). The title alone is intriguing in summarizing the main plot: we witness women - from a fictional, religious cult - talking. The content of the ongoing conversations and discussions, gender-based violence, is laid out in its many varieties. At times difficult to watch due to the compact nature of these women’s truths and experiences, the movie contains no particularly suprising revelations. These stories, I have heard, seen, and read them before.

   What had an impact was the attempt of unmuting these characters. Womxn have been silenced for millenia or, if they spoke up, dismissed for their “female imagination.” We are still led to believe that women talk more and all the time (just wait for these sexist jokes to resurface again during the holiday season). However, what is often left out of these conversations is the act and tactic of silencing. Who does not get to speak? Whose words are twisted and spun into a new narrative? Who claims the authority to speak for others, write history?

   Women Talking shows what can happen when women talk to each other and share their rage and vulnerabilities. It also reveals that womxn are also complicit in the silencing of other voices and perspectives.

   

   When I teach literature, I always ask my students: Who is speaking? Who is silent/silenced? And what does silence tell us?

3. The memoir Know My Name (2019) by Chanel Miller. 📖 Following my therapist’s advice, I recently borrowed Miller’s book from the public library. While the contexts are vastly different, I related to her writing and experienes in many ways. When some outside force - whether it’s sexual violence or a virus - takes your sense of bodily autonomy and sense of self from you, it is a feat of immeasurable magnitude to pick up the parts of you that remain and create something completely new out of it.

   

   On my way to the public library to return Chanel Miller’s memoir Know my Name

   As challenging as it was to witness Chanel Miller’s ordeal, she constantly left me in awe with her sensitivity to language, deep insights, and disarming vulnerability. By the end of Know my Name, I understood my therapist’s unspoken reasoning and felt inspired. To “talk” more, that is, to use whatever form of creativity at my disposal, and use language to slowly stitch myself back together.

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Words that remain

Glimmers

Glimmer: a micro moment of joy, awe, hope, safety; opposite of trigger

• Small forks and a plate of Gmundner Keramik: precious, second-hand finds. In Austria, small (or rather cake) forks are essential! 🍽️ 🎂

  

  The joy I find in small forks for cakes and beautiful plates 😊

• My mom’s Christmas cookies 😋🍪🍪🍪

• SNOW! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…

  Over the weekend, it started snowing and I am absolutely, completely here for the snow (it’s rare for it to stick around in Vienna) and colder temperatures. Plus, it was Luna’s first experience of snow ❄️☃️❄️🐈🥹

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A question that remains…

In which areas of your life do you feel or have felt silenced? 🙊🙊🙊