When life gets heavy
Last week’s hiatus was not planned. With chronic illness, you never know what to expect in the next hour, the next day, or week. Well, about two weeks ago, I was hit with a bout of gravity, meaning that my chronic exhaustion and fatigue became even more exhausting and fatiguing.
Crash (in Long Covid and other energy-limiting conditions):
Being “physically, emotionally or cognitively exhausted after mild physical or mental exertion”. (Pacing trial, University of Leeds)
The days leading up to this crash were busier than usual: my fourth iron infusion, my first physio therapy session (with an incredible therapist that was up to date with the latest Long Covid research! - Miracles do happen ✨), and a follow-up visit with my neurologist to adjust my meds, check on any progress, and consider next steps. Coupled with recent rejections and set-backs in other areas in my life, it proved to be too much for my system .
Chronic Exhaustion and Fatigue
It is difficult to remember a time where exhaustion and fatigue weren’t my loyal companions. These days, a few percent more energy - compared to the previous days or week - constitute a good day. No amount of sleep, caffeine, sunshine, or cuddles with my cats affects my batteries. Add a few weeks of miserable sleep with trouble falling and staying asleep and waking up early anyway (- despite my impeccable sleep hygiene 😴) and that is where I currently find myself. Plus, first PMS and now my period.
So I have been radio silent. On here, with friends, and the world at large. The only person I still talk to when I cannot handle talking to anyone else is my mom 🩷
Exhaustion seems like such a familiar word that we often associate with working too much, not getting enough sleep, and running on caffeine and sugar.
But chronic exhaustion is different beast entirely.
Chronic exhaustion feels like you are trying to wade through 4 °C water.*
Chronic exhaustion feels like every cell of your body is wearing radiation protection clothing.
Chronic exhaustion feels like someone has dialled up gravity by like a hundred.
*water at its densest
Fun stuff.
Words that remain
Glimmers
Glimmer: a micro moment of joy, awe, hope, safety; opposite of trigger
📻 The podcast episode “Believing Chronic Fatigue - Living with Long Covid, ME/CFS…” on the Therapist Uncensored Podcast. It made me feel both seen and distraught, shedding light on emotional layers of this whole chronic illness thing that I haven’t even considered yet. Give it a listen (but speed forward for 7-8 minutes past all the ads). 🩷 😭
🐈🐈⬛ Always my cats.
A question that remains…
Which podcasts/episodes have you been listening to? ✨✨✨
